Drag to English: A look at the vernacular of my community.

When you are with your friends and there are lots of inside jokes, you forget the etymology things. You have always said things a certain way and so you don't think twice about how they got there and when yous started saying them.

I have been making my partner watch shows and movies that I think are important to understanding my love of pageant/competition drag. He has commented that it is strange to hear people talk the way he has heard my friends and I talk all the time. I often get asked to explain certain phrases so I thought it would be fun to do a couple of phrases you may have heard. I encourage you all to work these into everyday conversation. I will do this when I cannot think of anything else to write because frankly, I am at work and not even supposed to be blogging so I need to keep it brief.

BOOTS: Boots  has a few connotations. Let's use it in a sentence.

1. Did you see Bjork's dress? That was boots.

2. Girl, where did you get that hair? It is cute boots!

It can mean terrible or with the proper qualifier, can mean awesome.

Now you try.

Amy, this blog is boots.(terrible)

Amy loves to write about drag. She is smart boots.(awesome)

THE HOUSE: Ok, if you have not seen Paris Is Burning then stop what you are doing right now and go and watch it on Netflix right now! Shame on you if you haven't seen it!

If you have seen it, you are aware of the House Balls in NYC that quickly spread across the country.

 (I plan on doing an entire post about House Balls and House dynamic but right now, this is what you get)

Let's use "THE HOUSE" in a conversation.

"I am so glad that Madison won the pageant, she was lovely"

"Oh yes, THE HOUSE"

The House is one of the oldest and most important creations to the drag community. When performers didn't have biological family, their fellow performers became their family. There is usually a 'mother' who is the grande dame and takes younger entertainers under her wing. Siblings are fostered in. Some houses get really large and extended (WTH, didn't I say that this was going to be a separate post????????) while others stay intimate. 

When you respond with "The House", you are actually saying "The House is in agreement". 

If you all know of a drag family where the entire House agrees, please let me know.

Now you try.

"The Steelers sucked this season."

"THE HOUSE."

Next time we will discuss:

1. Turning the party.

2. Hard as a brick.

3. Cracked face.

Gossip: The Nickel and Dimes of Drag

I think the one thing that everyone hates is someone who is rude. What purpose does it serve? Does it prove your humanity? No, you dumb ass, it actually makes you look dumb as shit.

When I heard that at a function last night that a current National Titleholder was tipped a nickel by former promoters of drag,  I was furious. Who does that? People with no class? Obviously. Was that a statement about what you think that queen is worth? Even if you don't like someone's style, taste, song selection, clothes or what have you, they are WORTH something. 

Drag is a business. It is a small business with one employee, the performer. Like most small business owners, the performers start with some seed money, will work long hours, take the first money they make and reinvest it in their business. 

Let's break down the cost for someone who is FIRST starting drag.

Pantyhose: 5.00/pair- most starting out wear 3-5 pairs..............................total 15.00-25.00

Girdle: 25.00 for just the waist..................................................................total 25.00

Bra: 18.00-30.00 depending on size and style...........................................total 26.00 (average)

Foam: (for body shaping dependent on size and needs 10.00-15.00..........total 20.00-30.00

Outfits: If you are lucky and can get off the rack........................................total 20.00-40.00

Jewelry: borrowed....................................................................................total 0.00

Makeup: borrowed...................................................................................total 0.00

Most of the performers just starting out will not have access to the jewelry that other queens do, so they will borrow that. Also, drag makeup takes practice and most will ask a friend to "paint" them the first few times.

Let's look at the low end, It takes 136.00 to step out on stage. For one number. This doesn't include time it takes to shop, get ready and practice. Do you think your time is worth something? I bet you do when you get your paycheck. If you had a second number you need another outfit, so let's add another 20.00. 156.00 to do two numbers. 

Oh! But wait! We haven't added in your shoes, or the cost to download the song, CD's to burn your music, glue for your eyebrows, or hair!

You are a new queen so you can only get a booking at an open mic night, this means, that you will, on average, make 5.00-10.00 in tips for your effort. 

I guess, if you are lucky, you might make an extra nickel.

What in the hell does a real girl know about drag?

This question gets asked a lot when I tell people that I am involved in the drag community. There are lots of reasons I could list and explain my 30+ years of performing in theater, dance etc but really all it takes to know a lot about drag is to love it.

It started in a small town in Oklahoma where there was only one gay bar. I heard everyone asking who was going to win Miss Lawton. As a true Southern girl who avidly watched pageants on television, I assumed that people were talking about real girls. I was shocked and fascinated to learn that it was Miss Gay Lawton. Drag queens competed at a local level to try to go on to be Miss Gay Oklahoma. Imagine my surprise when I found out that if they won there, they got to go to MISS GAY AMERICA.

SHUT UP. SERIOUSLY???

My interest was piqued. I decided to go to more drag shows and see exactly if I could figure out how all this worked. I went to local pageants, rooted for my favorites and decided to try to go to a state pageant. I went to the final night of Miss Gay Oklahoma one year and watched as Adrianna won. It was an interesting night and I decided that I needed to know more. I was hooked.

The next week, I was bartending on a show night when the legendary Tillie Laine told me that this was the tip of the iceberg. She explained the different competition systems to me and I started to stalk all the websites devoted to pageant drag. I religiously read, defended and learned everything I could. I went to as many pageants as I could and watched some legendary performances.

A few years of this went by and I was asked to 'mock judge' a pageant. This meant that I would do everything a regular judge would do but that my scores wouldn't count. It was just to get a feel for what it would be like. When two judges didn't show, I got thrown in the Lion's Den and became a judge on the spot. I haven't looked back. I regularly judge, coach, run and promote pageants. What the hell does this mean?

This means that although I have ovaries, drag queens respect me and my opinion when it comes to their art. This is a responsibility I do not take lightly. They do this as a living. They invest copious amounts of money, time and energy to create their persona.

So why do I love drag?

to be honest, I love ANYTHING that fucks with gender. Drag queens are an exaggerated representation of femininity and feminist bad-ass-ery. They say, do, wear and look like women have been conditioned NOT TO BE, they think more is more, they don't want anyone telling them who they can or can't be, they channel divas or yesteryear and bring to life female sexual energy by making you forget that it is a man in a dress.

As an overly made up, feminist, queer, sex positive femme, THEY ARE MY PEEPS.

Why a blog dedicated to this?

Let's be frank, no one really wants to blog about this, it will be fun when I gossip, it will hard to read when I am honest, but I also think it is necessary. It is important to document what is often misconstrued as a farce or comical part of the queer community. I assure you it isn't.

I will start with my opinions about Season 5 of RuPaul's Drag Race because this season has some connections to the pageant world that I know and also because it is fun to play armchair quarterback about a show where everyone talks like you and with people you have actually given money to...

I will talk about pageants, discuss the language that is part of the culture of drag and I will break down competitions and if I am not involved in the pageant, I will offer predictions.

If I am asked to judge or help a contestant, I will not discuss or disclose those experiences until after I am done, I am not interested in jeopardizing a 10+ year reputation as a part of the community.

Since pageant season is under way, there will be lots of posts. I hope you all enjoy my take and look forward to those that disagree reading me for filth.